Life kind of gets away from us.
Time rolls by and stands still all at once.
These days blend together.
The last year and a half feels like a blur and I wonder how much of it I will remember years down the road.
It feels like a bit of a strange place right now.
A limbo between devastating grief and life 'outside' of grief.
By the way... I don't think that second part is technically possible, but I do know that we will eventually get to a place where it doesn't feel so raw anymore.
I don't think there is a 'right' way to do it, and we all walk it at a different pace.
We can't criticize another for the way they walk (or run, or crawl) through tough places. Especially if you've never been on that journey yourself.
One of the biggest things I hear in the stories of others' grief is how everyone 'expects' you to do it how they think is best.
Let's just walk beside.
No matter if it's grief, or a completely different kind of trial.
I have learned that God will not let go of His own.
He is always by our side and He gives us strength.
So be part of His body, lifting up those who are hurting.
And just for the record, I haven't felt too much of this criticism,
but I know it is a huge struggle to so many.
I just got off on a bit of a rabbit trail :)
I was talking about the place in between.
Where we hang in an uncertain place of the grief process.
I had a friend on FB ask awhile ago about the 'season' of life we are in, in relation to the seasons of the year.
I'll share my answer since I feel like it says what I'm trying to explain:
I think summer for me. There has been more sunshine in my life than I've felt in a long time. There are still plenty stormy days where the rain clouds gather and the lightning seems to strike hard. But the skies clear again and God's mercies are new every morning. I feel like I'm in the relaxed, laid back mode of summer, swinging between the season of new growth and the season of changes. If I look too far ahead, I start to dread the cold that is bound to come, as bad days always will. One day at a time, sweet Jesus!
I think that after the dark cold blizzard, through the pains of new growth, the blessing of rest and light has been even more appreciated.
So often you hear how the 'little years' are tough ones with kids.
And they are hard.
You're needed 24/7.
You often don't get space to yourself.
Interruptions are normal and pouting is typical too.
(probably for the kids AND the mama!)
Maybe it's like the phrase
"you don't know whatcha got 'til it's gone".
Older moms always say to treasure the younger years.
You know what? I do.
I love their smiles and the twinkle in their eyes.
I love to see them learn new things and find joy in the little things.
I've watched them grow through their own pain.
And I know there is one missing.
Maybe that helps me to appreciate what I have even more.
If I could freeze time, I would!
No matter how you look at it, life is hard!
Even in those beautiful summer days, the storm hits.
The lightening strikes.
One day this summer, the lighting struck deep.
Some friends (also relatives) of ours tragically
lost their sweet precious little girl.
She was just a couple weeks older than my little Janae.
When I heard the news I literally hit my knees.
It hurt in a way that brought me right back to losing Skyler.
My heart ripped open at the thought of another mommy feeling
the way I had felt last year.
And on top of that, she was 6 weeks away from delivering another baby.
The same exact amount of time that I had left.
The week following this little girls death was one of the toughest ones that I've had since the initial phases of losing Skyler.
It brought everything back.
So much of our stories are the same.
I know their pain.
I know their fears.
And yet I don't.
We are different people, who see life differently.
We lost different people and we have different families.
As I said earlier, we all walk the road a little differently from the next person.
We can encourage and uplift.
We can love.
The God that we serve has a bigger plan that what we can see.
What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.
May we all remember Who holds us in His hand.
He will never leave us alone.
Through the dark.
Through the cold.
When that lightening strikes, His power is illuminated.
He will take our fears and replace them with his love.