or at least, for most of the world.
It’s been a tough month, and the holidays have kicked us hard.
I expected it I guess, but it’s never quite how you think it will be.
It hits you worse on days you wouldn’t think, and then days you are prepared,
it turns out easier than you thought it would.
For us, it’s not so different from the typical day,
except we get together with around 60 people for a crazy lunch.
It’s hard to even make sure your kids get food in a crowd like that!
I thought Thanksgiving would be no big deal.
We had some overnight company that week, and Jethro and I snuck out for
a bit while they watched our kids that morning.
We went to see this for the first time:
But in that crowd of people, Skyler was missing.
There was a huge hole.
Is it just because everyone was there except him?
Even though I didn’t have special memories of him relating to that day,
he was still gone.
And since then it hasn’t been much better.
Pulling out the Christmas stuff wasn’t the same.
Last year Skyler (being the oldest and remembering the details)
was the most excited.
He wanted to help put everything together and had so much fun.
The kids enjoyed themselves this year, but there were some things
that I couldn’t do without him.
Maybe next year.
I've been cutting myself some major slack, and doing pretty much the minimum when it comes to anything and everything, especially Christmas related.
and had supper and a treat.
He was supposed to be there.
Today I wrapped gifts.
His were missing.
I miss his laugh and his smile.
His hugs and his comforting arms when Mommy is sad.
I miss the way he took care of his brother and sister
The way he got all hyper and excited.
The way he wrestled with Rystin and protected Vayah and
grinned when he felt Janae's baby kicks.
The way he was always happy about going somewhere with Dad.
His sensitive nature. His generous heart. His wisdom beyond his years.
Some days now, more than before, I say WHY?!
It’s normal to have him gone now.
We are adjusting to being back to three kids, age 3 and under,
instead of the four kids, age 5 and under that we should have had.
But it doesn’t make it easy.
Now most days when I count out four plates to set the table,
I don’t always think about how there should be five anymore.
When we all load up in the car, I don’t always think about how
there should be one more car seat filled.
I don’t always think about that other set of teeth that should be there to brush,
or that extra laundry that should be in the pile.
But lots of times I do.
I know I'll think about it when we take our annual kids in
front of the tree picture this year.
We'll never again have a picture with everyone in it.
I've been going through pictures the last couple of days, because I'd like to start working on albums. I gotta say, I'm SO thankful that I was so photo obsessed when Skyler was little. I don't take pictures AS much as I used to, but still often. I have probably thousands of pictures of Skyler! I'd encourage you all to take pictures of your kids. You'll never regret it!
the other weekend was tough too.
The kindergarten class proudly marched up to recite their lines.
They sweetly sang their song, ‘Jesus Loves Me’.
But there was one face missing.
One proud smile gone from the group.
But I COULD still hear his voice.
Skyler sang that song countless times,
and I have several videos of him singing it.
So in my mind, I could still hear him.
I just wanted to see him too.
He would have been so proud when his brother Rystin got up there with his preschool class and loudly and clearly sang “In a Little Stable”,
just like he had the year before.
“You did so good, Rystin! I could hear you when you sang your song”
we listened to Christmas music.
One song came on… “I’ll have a blue Christmas without you…”
I thought how true that was.
Then a bit later another song… “I’ll be home for Christmas…”
Sadly I thought if only that were true.
Then I realized how true it really was!!
SKYLER IS HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!
He’s more ‘home’ than he’s ever been here with us.
He is Home, sitting next to our Lord who we are celebrating now.
Because of that first Christmas night, Skyler is
“Alive in Heaven”
as Rystin always likes to say.
Because of that Precious Child, we have the promise of Eternal life.
We can be ‘Home for Christmas’ and always!
So come, let us adore Him!
As my mom wrote in her Christmas letter,
we truly have learned that He is Emmanuel, “God with us”!
Although the days are sometimes difficult, and we live one at a time,
our Lord is with us each step of the way.
This has been “my” verse lately:
Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.
A thrill of HOPE this weary world rejoices!