Even then...

I was looking back tonight at my letter to Skyler in his journal from August 20th, 2009.  He was 4 months old.

"Skyler-
Being a mommy is one of the greatest things the Lord has blessed me with. 
My heart is overflowing with love for you,
with the need to protect you
with the desire to hold you close,
with joy from your laughter and smiles.
And with that comes the worry and fear for the future.
I find myself scared for you and what lies ahead in your life.
I have to remind myself over and over that you are the Lord's
and that He will watch over you. 
He gave you to me temporarily with a huge responsibility with it,
but ultimately, you are His. 
I must give up all my worries and fears and release you into
His care and keeping.
May He watch over you and hold you close,
even when Mommy no longer can.
<3  "


................... 

Wow.  He is.  He does.  He knows!!!

A few quotes from other entries...

"I can't imagine life without you"

"I pray with all my heart that we are all together in
Heaven with Jesus some day."

"...I was reminded again of what a treasure God has
entrusted us with for a short time."

"I pray that as you grow up, you will also grow closer to our Savior,
and the little "yes, Jesus..." songs you try to sing now turn into
praises for His saving grace!"

"Praying for you always and that we will be forever united together."

"No matter what happens, you will be loved and treasured by me.  My heart sometimes hurts watching you grow, knowing all you'll have to face ahead. But it's awesome too... thinking of all you can learn and that God chose ME to help you! How do I deserve you, a joy in every day?"

...........

All these things in the years before he died. 
God is still reminding me.
Sending me little messages of comfort.
He knew all along, and has promised to work it all for good.