sharing from my heart to yours
Fifteen Weeks. It's been 15 weeks since we said goodbye. Most days I still feel numb and in shock. Then come the days where the hurt breaks through in full force. Today was one of those days. We miss him. He was so full of life! I used to say that I didn't know what I would do without him. Now I know. Or maybe I don't... it's too hard to look ahead. It's just one day at a time, taking in the blessings we're still being filled with. About a week before Skyler died, I was reading a fictional book. It was about a woman who lost her blond haired, blue eyed, 5 year old boy in an accident. The book was about how she faced life and dealt with the grief. I have to read at night before I can fall asleep. That is what I read every night the week before he died. I went to sleep imagining how I would deal with it. What it would be like to lose my Skyler. The morning he died, I decided I couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't a great book anyways, and certainly not something I wanted to fall asleep to every night! I brought it back to the library when I brought the kids there that afternoon. We came home and then it was chore time. Skyler never came back. I found out what it was like to lose your blond haired, blue eyed, 5 year old boy. So now I wonder... was God preparing my heart for the loss of my own son? My husband and parents also had experiences or feelings of coming sadness. Of course God knew this would happen. Skyler was only meant to be here 5 years. It was time for him to go. He blessed us with his life in ways nobody can understand. I could talk about the person he was, the things he did, the faith he had for hours. But I don' t think that's the point. There's something bigger than our sweet Skyler going on here. He has received his reward. He is happier than he ever has been, his smile bigger than we ever saw it. Now it's about us. How we live, what we learn, where we go from here. Will others see the Truth, through Skyler's death? Will Christ be glorified and proclaimed by all of those who mourn? So really...now it's about Christ. We have been able to see His blessings.
I have never felt as close to our Savior as I have during this time. It has been 15 weeks since Skyler died, and I have had TWO days since then that I haven't seen anyone outside of our own family (as in the 4, or now 5, of us)!! Before, I was always more of a home body type. If we had plans for more than 2-3 days in a week, I'd start to get stressed out. The last 3 months have been completely and fully filled with things EVERY day. And I've been ok with it. Some days it would be after supper and I'd think, maybe today will be the first day we don't see anyone all day...and someone would pull in the driveway at 8:00 at night! Family from the west coast has been here for a total of 8 of weeks, at different times. What a blessing! God truly knows what we need, even when we don't know ourselves! All those fears that I had about losing a child... they were real! And they haven't gone away still. But I have learned a little about faith in God's promise. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE US. He has been here, holding us up in his gracious hands, blessing us in SO many amazing ways. Do the blessings outweigh the loss? I don't know if I'll ever be able to say that in this life, but someday, we'll know the reasons. And our biggest comfort? He hasn't left our Skyler either!! Hallelujah! May the day come soon that we can ALL join Him in that Perfect Place! Keep praying for us as we face these tough days, and thank you for blessing us in the ways that you have!
16 Comments
Mom
8/14/2014 03:12:58 pm
Love this dear Molly!
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Amy
8/14/2014 03:26:17 pm
<3 so glad to hear that you have had company. :-) maybe we'll have to come visit ;-). May God continue to show you his loving plan, though heart wrenching it may be at times. I think and pray for you often. Love from Ironwood!
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Molly
8/14/2014 04:42:22 pm
Visits are always welcome! We'd love to have you!
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Darla
8/14/2014 03:29:02 pm
Wow!! This is amazing!! Your family is still in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your heart.
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Valene
8/14/2014 03:54:39 pm
Oh Molly! Thanks for sharing.. You are such a good writer. Praying for those tough days ahead...
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Megan
8/14/2014 04:16:49 pm
Molly, you have always impressed me with an ability to write your thoughts and feelings down so eloquently. I have also been inspired by your faith, even at a young age, and the strength and wisdom that far surpass so many others your age. I read this post and somehow I feel as though you are comforting me. I ache for you and you are never far from my thoughts and prayers, but as I read this I felt as though you were giving me comfort and perspective. You are an amazing woman, Molly, and while this burden in your journey is so painful, He has placed in your path an opportunity to use your gifts and talents to guide and help others as well. May God be with you as you press on. Sending love and hugs!
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Molly
8/14/2014 04:43:59 pm
Thanks! All glory to God!
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Kris
8/14/2014 10:21:33 pm
To my dearest niece. God has so blessed you with so much strength through your hardship and I only pray He continues to do this. You are so blessed with so many talents. I marvel at this writing and I feel a need to tell you my thoughts that you have this published. It will be of much comfort for so many out there that are hurting. When I say published, yes you have you're own blog here but I'm thinking that you should/could send this off even to the Proverbs 31 Ministry. Maybe something for you to pray/pursue about.
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Shanna
8/14/2014 11:32:42 pm
Wow. I love you dear friend!! I've been praying for you and it broke my heart to be so far away.. It's amazing to see the love you have in you, through you, around you. I hope I can be one of those that fills your day someday!
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Jacey
8/14/2014 11:37:49 pm
I think of you often and hope that there are only brighter days ahead for you and your family.
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TRICIA MATSON
8/14/2014 11:55:14 pm
Continuing to pray for all of you . Are your folks still at your house?
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Molly
8/15/2014 01:21:36 am
They headed home yesterday morning
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Vivian w
8/15/2014 03:02:56 am
Many prayers continue for all of you. So so glad you see Jesus
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janine
8/15/2014 05:11:08 am
Yes! What a friend we have in Jesus, and further exemplified in the way He uses His people to remind each other of His mercy, GRACE and love. I needed to hear these words today, Molly. I am blessed by the words you share. Luv you!
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Nika
8/15/2014 08:03:38 am
"Soft as the voice of an angel,
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Krystal kuusisto
8/15/2014 11:18:53 am
Thank you for sharing your heartache and joy! We also know about the loss of a child and how you miss them, yet you still have that knowledge that you will see that child again!
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