This picture...

It really represents a lot to me.
I've been working on scrapbooking through Skyler's 5 years of life.
When I came across this picture tonight,
I was struck by the meaning that I felt behind it.
It was taken the summer before Skyler went Home.
I see innocence.
I see a sweet brother bond, where the bigger one helps out the smaller.
I see the flow of life, frozen in a still moment, before splashing to the ground.
I see transition, the place in between, where we spent almost two sweet years trying figure out what direction God wanted us to go. 
I see a solitude haven, where we were surrounded in a shelter of God's peace.
I see joy and sunshine and warmth and love.
I see holey jeans and diapers and bare little toes.
I see thirst, and blessings of relief.
I see contentment.

Those sweet things became hard to see for awhile.
And they often still seem far away.
Rystin turned 5 earlier this month.
That was a milestone that I dreaded a bit.
But this 'in-between' time, knowing he is so close to the age Skyler was the last time I saw him, has been a bit challenging. 
I hold on to Rystin a little tighter.
(Well, when he lets me!)
I feel that fear creeping up, and I battle to hold on,
instead of giving that fear to the One who controls all things.
The heaviness is close and I just want to hold that sweet little blond boy again.

But I look around and see a fallen world.
Today we went to the funeral of my husband's uncle.
Yesterday a teenage boy in our community was killed suddenly.
I know of many struggling with diseases and fighting so many battles.
I know it won't be over until the day He returns.
But I also know, the Victory is won!
As we heard today, Jesus is the Healer of the broken.
It is only through Him, that these hurts can be healed.

So when that warmth of the sunshine,
the contentment and joy,
the haven of rest seems so far away...
we can hold onto that Promise. 

HE HAS OVERCOME!

So I have been doing some thinking recently.
And I'm sorry in advance if this post gets a little mushy and gushy.
My heart is just SO grateful.

As time has passed, I have come to realize more and more
how much the little things mean.
Looking back at our time of deepest heartache,
I can see SO much blessing.
I know I've said before that in those hardest times,
some of the most beautiful things come through.
But as the days, weeks, months, and soon to be YEARS have gone by,
those blessings that we experienced then have become even more treasured.
I have to say, I am SOOO thankful that God gave us each other.
Relationships are such powerful resources.

The way God used His body of believers to be His hands and feet
to us during that time was so amazing.
So many of you reached out in so many ways.
Big or small things, all equaled huge things because the effort was made.
There were people that hardly knew my family who gathered together for a prayer meeting for our family, then came together and
brought supplies and hugs to our home. 
There were people that I treasure who dropped
everything and came to be with us.
There were churches that we'd never attended,
or even heard of, that sent gifts and love.
There were anonymous gifts being dropped off at our doorstep, fund raisers set up, cards for months, dinners, visits, messages, care packages, and on it goes.
Though you knew that these things wouldn't take our pain away, you made the effort to show your love... God's love.
The friendships and relationships that have grown since
this time have been such a blessing.
I sometimes feel like my heart will explode with love that
I feel from and for so many of you.

I hope that some day I can bless you back.
Or that God will put someone in your life who can give to
you what you have given to us. 
I'm here to tell you that the little things matter.
Go that extra step.
Send that message.
Make that call.
Be that light in the darkness.
It may mean more to someone than you realize.
The love you gave us meant more than I can express in words.
The people God placed in my life, at the times that He did,
remind me that His promises are true.
He is faithful and He will never leave us or forsake us. 
And sometimes, going that extra mile for someone else gives
you a little extra boost as well.

This holiday season brought many mixed emotions. 
It was a relief to be able to face the time with less dread and more joy.
It was hard to feel that, knowing that my sweet boy is that much further away in our memories.
We have a video of Skyler singing 'In a Little Stable', and we were able to sing along with him and smile as our family celebrated the birth of Christ.
Knowing that now I have to say "in 2014, Skyler..." because it has been just that long ago is... tough. 
Seeing my 2nd son celebrate his 5th birthday was also challenging. 
Maybe I'll share more thoughts on these things later.

For now...
I pray that you all feel my gratitude.
And that you will continue to make a difference in the lives of the people that God brings into your path.
Have a blessed and restful 2016!