The mix of joy and pain.
The combination of new life and old grief.
Excitement and hesitation.
Remembering and looking ahead.
I guess the key is looking up, into His face.
We are thrilled to share that God has again blessed us with new life.
Another little person has already snuck into our hearts, even as God forms and grows each little part inside of me.
February seems like so far away to meet this sweet baby!
I do share this with some hesitation though.
After losing a child, I have come to see that new life can be painful.
This can include hearing the news of others.
I have thought a lot about how each person we come across in life walks a different path than ourselves.
Each of us faces tough stuff, and life isn't just 'easy' for any of us.
Some of us have had obvious tragedies happen, or things that people on the outside can see.
Others have secret hurts, or hidden pain in their lives.
We always refer to a coming baby as a 'blessing'.
And, don't get me wrong, it TOTALLY is!
Children truly are amazing gifts from God.
But does that mean that those who don't have them haven't been blessed?
Or that God has removed blessing from those of us who have lost?
Of course not.
Every life is precious and valuable and perfect.
God creates each one beautifully and wonderfully in His own image.
But each of us is different and unique too.
God has a plan and a purpose for each of our lives, from the very moment we were conceived.
We often have dreams and wishes for our futures.
And when these hard trials come we forget that God's plan is greater than ours.
The things that we look at as blessings, may not be how God chooses to bless us.
I surely wouldn't have ever had losing a child in my life plans.
And now the thought of adding another life into our family brings with it some fear and even a little sadness (mixed with the joy), knowing that this baby will have no connections to his/her oldest brother.
I fear the what-ifs of having another piece of my heart out there in this world.
But the gift of life cannot be denied.
So for those who haven't had children, who have struggled with miscarriages, or have lost children, I think of you.
I hurt for you as you see over and over the news of others and wonder why.
I wonder why.
I question why God would continue to place these children into my life.
But I am thankful.
I pray for peace for each situation.
May we always remember that God's plan is perfect.
Let us rest in Him as we walk daily in His grace.
His love cannot be measured, and His blessings are not limited.